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Test

Fucking Cancer Journey

February 28, 2024  •  2 Comments

September 2023

Fucking Cancer Journey

So, I found a lump while doing a routine exam on hols. Wasn't sure if it was or not but it was there next day too and easily findable, right boob, top left-hand side. Thought I'll have to chase them for a mammogram but when we arrived home on the 10th of October there was an invite for me, Friday 13th October.

Friday 13th October 2023

Had my mammogram.

Told her about the thickening in the right one. They won't call me for another one now due to my age, if I want one I have to call them.

 

Monday 19th November

Had the mammogram result, they want to see me for more tests. Not good.
 

Monday 19th November

Still feel rough with a cold.

Met Steve at 12md. Got some bits in Morrisons. Drove to Cardiff, managed to park in Sophia gardens, once we figured out how to get into the parking area. Couldn't get the parking app to work, there was a different app for this carpark. Struggled to figure it out. Managed it eventually, it's not clear though, the machines looked really complicated, how do old people manage? Found the screening place, we were early but it doesn't matter. I'm aware I'm overcompensating and being cheerful.

Had to fill in a form, have a mammogram on the right one. Sat waiting now to see a doctor, have a scan, maybe a biopsy. Had a coffee, it was a bit yuk.

Saw the doctor who did a physical exam. Then I had a scan, then they did a biopsy! 

Local anesthetic, then a quick cut and a thing that makes a loud click. 2 samples of the lump taken. The local stung a but not too bad. I bled a bit and the other nurse had to put pressure on to stop it, she said it'll bruise. They then took another one. She put a big dressing on it, told me to leave it on for 24hrs and to sleep with a bra on tonight.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. A bit scared I guess but pretty pragmatic. The worst bit would be losing my hair if I did have cancer. Shit that's scary writing that down. I have to go back 3pm next Monday. Fingers crossed, eh?

Monday 27th November 2023

Funny old day.
Had coffee with Dick & Marty. They were nice, positive thoughts etc.
We went down to Cardiff about 1.45pm. easy run down. Felt quite nervous, we were there at 2.40pm. We sat and waited, I heard a woman say she was there for a 3.30pm appointment, she went in at 3.20pm. 3.30pm I asked the reception how long the delay was going to be.  She said after the one comes out.  We went in about 3.45pm. The doctor said it's a 2cm cancer. They'll do a lumpectomy on 23rd Jan . The day before I have to go the Gwent and they inject into the nipple some stuff to check the lymph nodes. That sounds like the worst bit. It's a day operation at Ystrad Mynach, general anesthesia. Sometime after I'll have radiotherapy. May not need chemo. Hope not.  I'll have tablets to inhibit estrogen, that doesn't sound good either, hot flushes etc.

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I've messaged the people who need to know, family etc. 
It maybe Monday but it's an occasion so I opened a bottle of Barolo. There's a lot of 'fuck it ' around right now.
How do I feel?  Not that surprised. Bit weird. No tears. Pragmatic. Should I go private? Could I have found it earlier? Covid delayed the screening.

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Tuesday 28th November 2023

Started to read all the bumf from yesterday, so much to take in. I have to do it bit by bit, its overwhelming and scary.  I thought that although this is pretty negative it could help someone else so I told Janette Edmonds. Document the journey, photos etc. She said good idea, to go down and she'll do a shoot.

We'd just finished tea when the phone went, a voice asks for Mrs some weird name. Before I could swear she said it's Mr Rees secretary from the Royal Gwent.  Booking me in for the pre op health check. She was really chuffed when I said I had my full health history online.  I'll have to update that too.

Hopefully. I said I'm up for a cancellation. Private doesn't sound a lot quicker, they'd have to refer me, get things sent over. So far they have all been brilliant. 

Wednesday 29th November 2023

Lynn and I went by bus to see The Full Monty in Cardiff.

On the way down my right eye went pixilated around the edge again and there's a pressure in my head. Right hand side and it hurts my head to cough. The sparkly bit went off.
The show was good, I enjoyed it. Very clever with the scenery. Jake Quickenden was good, very fit. Bill Ward was good too. They were all well cast. I noticed my emotions changing in the show, there was a sadish bit and I could feel the sadness rising. Didn't cry but could have. My head hurts, pressure headache. Got the bus about 5.20pm ish. Cold and uncomfy.

Thursday 30th November 2023.
Still got pressure behind my right eye.

Still feel there's a lump in my throat at the bottom, like there's a spud stuck there.
I know most of it is paranoid, stress, tension not real stuff but it's still self-perpetuating and real - To me, at the moment. I'm not the first & not the last but it's the first time for me. I haven't experienced it before.
Did leg day at the gym. Good. Left eye pixilated a bit. 

Friday 1st December 2023

I was at the opticians for 0915. They fitted me in because of the sparkly.

Just made it, almost late as I had to de-ice the car. -0c on the way in, bloody freezing.
No problem with my eyes, he put drops in to make the pupils dilate, I look like an owl! He tested them for any issues and they're fine so it's just a tension thing. Not surprising. So reassured that I don't have a tumour.
Went with Dick out to Martys, it's a lovely house. Dick set his laptop up, I didn't really do much. It was a nice few hours out though. Marty gave us a bottle of wine each. Had a lovely message off Greg's Annie when I got in.
I'm researching using THC and Turkey tail to help kill cancer as well as anything else of course. Its hard to find out details though.
The less I think about it the better, will I be able to keep this up till it's sorted? Till I've had the radiotherapy. I asked on one group about cancer support groups and they told me of some, but I can't bring myself to join & go there. I'm not ready, I hope I don't get that low. I think you can have too much input & knowledge about a thing.
The less I know the less I have to think about. Oh, I told Dick about bonjela, he said it doesn't work but he has some stuff that numbs skin prior to having a tattoo. That'll do.

Telling people has been interesting, a variety of reactions from naff all to really sympathetic. At least no one has offered to pray for me! I'd prefer a nice bottle of red wine please!

Saturday 2nd December 2023

Steve & I met Dick for coffee. I felt pretty flat, and it was cold in the cafe.  I've stopped taking my HRT and I'm getting palpitations, anxiety butterflies, anger. really pissed off at the thought of having to take oestrogen inhibitor. Hot flushes, osteoporosis, anxiety etc. Menopause from the start again. ok it may prevent a reoccurrence of cancer but what sort of quality of life do I have? I'll be knocking on a bit then, great you can stop taking the tablets now how about that funeral plan? 

Sunday 3rd December 2023

Quite stroppy and angry today as the last HRT hormones dissipate. Of course, where I've been googling about cancer, THC, Turkey tail I keep getting posts about Cancer this that and the other on Facebook. Bloody bots. I did sign into Macmillan but it's a potch to sign into all the time. I want to forget about it all as much as possible. I'm doing what I can. I don't want to read other people's stories.  I keep thinking should I put a post on FB but then why?  It's my journey, well Steves too. I told him he's got to talk to me about how he's feeling too. 

 

Monday 4th December 2023

General thoughts.... It's the knowledge that long term nothing will be the same. I'll be changed. Physically & mentally because it's always going to be in the back of my mind. I think I'm probably still in shock, I know I have cancer but it doesn't feel real, apart from stopping hrt and the bad bits are back. Palpitations, angry, butterflies, head fog. It's a similar feeling to thinking if I wish hard enough Morse (our old dog) will come back.

Sent some brief notes via e-consult to the doctor, I thought they needed to know. Does anyone else? I don''t know, I sort of want to tell everyone because that's the way I rock but then would I announce it to the world if I was having a tooth out?

Tuesday 5th December 2023
I can't concentrate on anything, I'm feeling totally disconnected. I told Steve, he understands I think. I'm probably still in shock or I've gone into some protective mode.
I'm doing a lot of blank staring into space mode, it's quite restful. I wonder will I get back to feeling like me ever? Or is this a new me to get used to? My body may get semi repaired but what about my mind? What will my life be like after? Has my life changed without my permission?

Wednesday 6th December 2023

Went to the gym for 11am. Squats, no lock out squats, then 10 sets of 10 reps with a 10kg dumbbell.
Warmed my legs up for sure. I rang Em & we had a catch up. 
The turkey tail arrived. How much to I take?

I'm scared about the pre-op appointment at The Royal Gwent tomorrow, up early, the parking, finding it. I can't even begin to think about the 22nd & 23rd January. It's a big, permanent change. 

Thursday 7th December 2023

Early start, up at 7am out of the house before 8am. We didn't think there would be parking at the front of the hospital so found a side street. Got a bit lost finding the pre op clinic. up to the 3rd floor, find the corridor head towards the restaurant into another lift up to the 6th floor. I was so nervous, I have no idea why, I guess its another bit of unknown in a big bit of unknown that I didn't order. I reported to reception, gave my name dob etc. I was in almost immediately; a young lady checked my blood pressure - sky high I believe. I had to stick a giant cotton wool bud up my nose, another under my pits and another along my groin! Back out to the waiting area then but not for long. Another room another nurse, I'd printed my health history out for her which was useful as I couldn't remember half of it.  The worst bit was when she asked how much I drank! Er too much? Had to try and work it out she probably thinks I''m a part time lush now! She also asked if I took recreational drugs! CBD oil doesnt count. Loads of questions, hopefully i'm good to go. Had to have blood taken, an echocardiogram. Some of the electrode things wouldnt stick because I had moisturiser on.  On the day of the op I can't wear makeup, nailpolish. Gotta wear comfies. I can drink water up to two hours before the operation. We were all done and dusted and out by 10am. I guess thats it now until THAT injection. I do have some pre tattoo skin numbing cream now though! Where is the fast forward button? Say - fast forward to March 2024?

Oh I've taken delivery of Turkey Tail and Maitake Mushroom, how much to take though? I also have some other herbs. It wont harm. I have to stop all supplements before the operation and also no wine. Dry January it is then. Hey ho. 

I cant drive for about 6 weeks after the operation, they do encourage movement though to decrease likelihood of lymphoma. So many things! I get chopped up, stuck back together, given chemicals and potentially more chemicals to counteract the side effects of the other chemicals?! I have to take it easy, do the given exercises. I should be able to squat and walk though right?

I'm glad the website is back working, I guess pestering them paid off, still no communication from Zenfolio though - unless you count auto response?

Tuesday 19th December

Feeling really grumpy. Taken horny goat weed and lions mane.

It's like seeing a dandelion, picking the flower to stop it seeding, then digging out the roots then spraying the whole fucking garden with round up just in case. I'll lose a perfectly good body and be left with a train wreck. Not a happy bunny at all.
We hugged while doing tea, I cried. Not a sobby cry, just a little eye leak. To me it shows where I'm at.
Reading about other ladies side effects, problems, is not good for me.

Wednesday 20th December

Saw Kim, got my stuff.
It's nice to talk to someone who understands the mindset too. Once you get that diagnosis it's an instant life change. It makes you face your own mortality, it's suddenly very real, very visible.

I'm better in my head today because I've been Busier.

Tuesday 26th December 2023

Well I thought I’d xmas scribble.

I’m glad I put the diagnoses online, most people will have seen it and responded. I did it on xmas eve.
Always at the back of my mind is the after effects, burning and fatigue then will I get lymphoedema, will I get cording (where they take a few lymph nodes to test) then the inhibitors, just in case poison. It’ll bring back hot flushes, joint pain, the anxiety? The anger? Fuck knows what else. It’ll age me, make my skin old. Make me old. It’s like taking a tidy car in for service and being given back an old wreck plus still having to pay the mechanic. I don’t even want a fucking service!
How do I know I even need inhibitors? I can’t have that much estrogen anyway now I’m off hrt. Don’t they do a test to see? Even if I am still making estrogen do they know it’ll come back? Will 5- 10 years of menopause which takes me up to 80 be worth it? Am I going to gain that many additional years? It’s length of life and quality of life. 20 years of shite quality or 10 years of good quality? If could be talking bollocks of course but these are not nice drugs, they have bad side effects. I don’t know, do the doctors know? What if they’re just meeting drug sales targets? (My thoughts, my rambles, butt out!)

 

Wednesday 27th December

Well, 1040hrs the phone goes, it's the hospital. 😳

Was I aware that I had an appointment on the 11th January? Er no! So Dr Chopra ( good name) will see me on the 11th January. Well, that's a surprise! I have to be there for 0730hrs. I'm in a state of shock, that mental life clock has just clunked another minute away. I was due to see Janette on the 12th too, for a photoshoot. I'm ok now I've got used to it. 

 

 

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There was a lovely full moon on the way home. My bruise. 

 

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Mon 29th November

Still feel rough with a cold.
Met Steve at 12md. Got some bits in Morrisons. Drove to Cardiff, managed to park in Sophia gardens, once we figured out how to get into the parking area. Couldn't get the parking app to work, there was a different app for this carpark.  Struggled to figure it out. Managed it eventually, it's not clear though, the machines looked really complicated, how do old people manage?  Found the screening place, we were early but it doesn't matter. I'm aware I'm overcompensating and being cheerful.
Had to fill in a form, have a mammogram on the right one. Sat waiting now to see a doctor, have a scan, maybe a biopsy. Had a coffee, it was a bit yuk.

Saw the doctor who did a physical exam. Then I had a scan, then they did a biopsy! 
Local anesthetic, then a quick cut and a thing that makes a loud click. 2 samples of the lump taken. The local stung a but not too bad. I bled a bit and the other nurse had to put pressure on to stop it, she said it'll bruise. They then took another one. She put a big dressing on it, told me to leave it on for 24hrs and to sleep with a bra on tonight.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. A bit scared I guess but pretty pragmatic. The worst bit would be losing my hair if I did have cancer. Shit that's scary writing that down. I have to go back 3pm next Monday. Fingers crossed, eh?

The wrinkles are the dressing not my skin mind! Steve did take another but it had my chin in it and I was looking down so it was all wrinkly!

 

Just a thought.

The radiation may kill cancer but I can't help wondering does it cause other problems? Kill the cancer but shorten my life in another way?

 

I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.

I like how I Am now, I'm knocking on a bit but I'm fit and healthy.

Once you get that diagnosis then it's like a shutter comes down. What's going to happen, will I look different, will I feel different?

It's a scary time.

I saw that my portrait photographer friend Janette had a rare cancellation so I contacted her. We arranged for a date in January where I would visit, bring whatever clothes I wanted (think glamorous she said) when I stopped laughing I had a rummage and literally threw stuff in the case.

We had to bring the date forward as my op has been brought forward 😬

 

I want to do this for me. Just me. I'm ok as I am, I haven't authorised the changes that will happen and I'm annoyed about it. That's ok though.

The studio is a large airy room, warm, comforting, private and safe. 

I'm a photographer myself, I could have found someone closer to home but I wanted the expertise of a female who is a total empath and who I knew would read me.  Guide me. Put me at ease and produce stunning work.

I've found that keeping busy has helped, be that walking, going to the gym or having a photoshoot!

https://www.beautifully-you.photography/Not bad for a pensioner! https://www.beautifully-you.photography/Not bad for a pensioner!

 

4th January 2024

I had a fantastic experience today.

I had a photoshoot by a talented lady Janette Edmonds, Beautifully You. She has a lovely studio within a Georgian House in Charmouth, Dorset. My hair & make up were professionally done. It's a weird thing having that done, just sitting there, chatting. Look up, look down, it's quite cathartic and surprisingly emotional. Having not started my treatment yet I'm feeling great. Scared but I know I look good and I feel good. The actual operation is scary, on a par with having a tooth out. It's the "what if's" afterwards that, for me, is the scary bit. All the people who have sailed through it with no effect is fine. It does nothing to assuage MY inner fear though!

Still, I loved the shoot, we did light fluffy clothes, darker, clothing - well nearly clothing. I wanted pinky & perky shots minus overt nipples, Facebook safe shots that say something. The heel on my shoe fell off again, that made interesting posing. Its a liberating experience, I loved it. Wear this, put that on, hands like this. Close your mouth, look down. Brilliant and I would recommend for anyone at any stage to get a shoot done. Some clothes were mine, some were borrowed. It such a gentle experience too, if you wanted to cry then that's ok too (I'd say wait until the end in case it messes your make up up though!

Beautifully You Photographyhttps://www.beautifully-you.photography/ Beautifully You Photographyhttps://www.beautifully-you.photography/


Wednesday 10th January 2024

Well not a good start.

Put my boob numbing cream on, put a plastic bag on it.
Rocked up to the nuclear department to be told the stuff wasn't here, problem at Cardiff, it's still there. We've had to come to canteen and wait and go back in half hour. Ju suggested I go to Cardiff for it.
Went back and a few of us were told the stuff is coming from Swansea. They've messed up it won't be here today.come back at 10am tomorrow. Have the jab then go to Ystrad Mynach. So here I am back home with my boob all numb hanging around till tomorrow.
Oops apparently I shouldn't take CBD before the op. 🙄
Oh well, by the time they get around to me it will have gone.
I just want it done now. on my own I'm calm but having to talk is intolerable. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

Thursday 11th January 2024

So I'm finally ready for the operation.

Scared, talking too much. Everyone is lovely. Apart from the twat who didn't send the jabs up yesterday.
I've had to de robe, put theirs on. A big pair of Bridgette Jones paper knickers.
Multi questions by nurses, doctors , anesthetist, allergies, chest, breathing, etc.
My head's fucked, gotta job to recall my name. I'm starving too. Hope I don't stay overnight but they're non committal, there's a cut off time for going home.

They inject me, tubes in my gob and throat 😬😳
I've signed the form. The 2 students with the surgeon had a feel. Just sat waiting now.
It appears there are ongoing issues with these injections, getting hold of them.
1530hrs. Still waiting. Been spoken to by JoJo the physio. Exercise, cording, massage etc. it's a lot to take in. Preventing cording by exercise, massage.
Went down about 5.15pm. all very chilled, friendly. Had a oxygen mask on, thing in my hand. Zonked out. Back about 1815hrs. I'll stay overnight as it's late. I think I'll feel more reassured here.
Back legs wobbly, bit light headed, fat lip. So I'm taking it very steady. Got up for a wee, didn't keel over - result!.
Facetime Stevo, Dick. Messaged Wendy , Ty, Marty, Lizzy. Oh must message Janette. All in all thank fuck it's done. Butterflies gone for now.

All prepped & ready! All prepped & ready!

 

Friday 12th January 2024

 

0210 hrs. Had a light sleep.

Legs wobbly. Back still uncomfy, back lats.

My pal said said if you want to cry then you cry. So what if the feeling occurs and I don't want to cry? I don't like crying, it does no good (for me) so no, I don't want to. Not to be brave but I just don't want to.

I wonder why my blood pressure is so high?

What about these moles, can they\someone look and say age related?

Why am I awake?

I noticed when trying to sleep we earlier that if there was any sort of even small noise then the butterflies "sharped" I know that's anxiety. Research medicinal mushrooms and herbs to sort this.

Two of the nurses came in with a cup of hot chocolate. They were so lovely. We had a nice chat -  Alison & Sarah.

It's 0420hrs now. Head still muzzy, legs wobbly. I read my notes.

 

Looking at all the well wishes on my Facebook post post is lovely. No one knows what to say, there's not much you can say. The fact that people care enough so say anything is bloody marvellous.  People who actually care about you want to let you know they care so what are they supposed to say? The fact that they've reached out when they don't know what to say is pretty awesome. It's not hollow, it's people being nice ❤️

 

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Looking rough as fuck on a few here! Still I figure it may be useful to someone.  I have omitted one I took where I look like a Shar Pei dog though, I have standards you know!

I did ask the surgeon just before the operation if I could have a doggy bag, they said no it had to go off be analysed. 

Saturday 13th January 2024

I haven't done much today. tidied up, dishwasher on. Read and replied to everyone asking how I am. Yes, I'm loving hearing from everyone. I did shower, I have to keep the dressing dry for four days, or was it 14? I don't know, my head is shot with all the information, I have read the leaflets but its not sinking in. I guess being off the HRT and Lions Mane won't help the head fog. Even before I go onto any Aromatase Inhibitors (which I am really not wanting to) I'm having mild hot flushes, head fog, anxiety butterflies. Then I have to take shite that may well exacerbate all those plus a few more just in case?  (This is my blog, my brain dump remember) I'm still looking for an alternative, Medicinal Mushrooms, herbal. Also something to lower my blood pressure, while the doctor is aware and haven't suggested anything Id rather find something natural to bring it down. 

An interesting link - Kylie on Cancer

Kylie Mynogue

Link to Kylie interview
 

An interesting part of an interview with Kylie. She's right about the trauma and the love. It's a big sort out of who's who.

 

Lots of people have said, you'll be fine, you're tough, someone had a similar and they're fine. They mean well, it's said to help, it's out of love. It doesn't help the 'what ifs' 

What if radiotherapy burns my skin to the degrees I've seen online? My ribs could hurt. This shit basically cooks you from the inside out (my words not theirs) long fatigue. 

As for the aromatase inhibitors - wow. Joint pain, heart problems, liver problems, sweats, head fog, aging, osteoporosis, (my observations from reading)

There must surely be a more natural way to decrease estrogen production?

I had a look at the Baps App Wales. It's ok I guess but the exercises are very basic. I've done them but didn't feel anything.

I'm sick of wearing a bra all the time. It's tight & itchy!

 

Fitful sleep last night.

Dozed back off then and didn't wake till 8.15am. We were out by 9am and in the hospital by 0940hrs. It was all very well organised. All done & dusted by 1005hrs. Dressing off.
Clear margins and no lymph nodes affected. 😁
I thought I'd feel like really happy but I was just like oh, good. A bit shell shocked. He, Dr Chopra, didn't say much. He thinks my feelings about Aromatase Inhibitors are unfounded. I didn't get a chance to question him re anything. I handed over my thoughts & notes but he wasn't interested. I'll hear off Velindre in 4-6 weeks now.


Neat scar huh? Not a good photo I'll do another later.

 

 

Thursday February 8th 2024

 

It's always there.

The next bit, when will it be? Am I going to have issues like so many others? Fatigue, burns, rib issues, etc
Every bump, itch, random pain the back burner sends a DM 'is this another cancer'
It isn't ever over, you have to learn to live with the paranoia I guess? It's just there.

 

Thursday February 15th 2024

Scary.

The phone rang and it's Velindre! They had a cancellation so 0940hrs next Monday to see a Dr Owen Tillsley. Shit just got real again! 😬
I forgot to ask what the appointment entailed. Ringing back is a pain, switchboard, waiting, person, another wait then an answer machine.
I messaged Ju and she said they talk to you, measure you, mark you. I need to have my questions ready and printed out. Most of them concerning this AI. (Aromatase Inhibitor)

Friday February 16th 2024

I'm sure there's lots of stuff I should be doing but I can't grasp it. It's on the periphery of my memory all the time. There's cancer overload all the time.
Walked the dogs. Saw friends and had a natter.
I've noticed that people all ask how you're doing which is nice but they don't want to talk about it. I guess it's hard for them to deal with, it's not their problem after all.

Monday February 19th 2024

Left the house 0830hrs. Here by 0925hrs. (Velindre)

 

It's a soulless place with an atmosphere of fear.
They were quick to call me in for weighing, blood pressure, height. They reckon I'm 5'7" I'm not having that .
Had to wait again saw Dr Tilsley.
He's a very personable Doctor. He started by saying we'll talk about radiotherapy & Aromatase Inhibitors, Letrozole. I involuntarily curled my lip at that. He picked up on it and said I can see your not impressed (or similar) I explained that the bad potential bits of it outweighed and potential good bits. After menopause your estrogen is down to 10%. It might stop it coming back by 1%.
He agreed that it wasn't really necessary. He bandied lots of % figures around, right over my head. He didn't really look at my 3 page report. I went through my bullet points, most of which were covered anyway. Writing it all down helped me though. The upshot was that I'll have 5 lots of radiotherapy. They do 5 big ones rather than 15 smaller doses. My poor body. Apparently it can damage your ribs and it's damaged that doesn't really heal quickly if at all. It does cook you inside but I'm 'lucky ' as mine is on the right Side. If nodes were involved it would still be 15.
I come back in a few days for a CT scan and tramp stamp.

Thursday February 22 2024

Went to Velindre (Cancer Centre Cardiff) for 10am

Went to outpatients, they sent us to x-ray who sent us to radio'therapy' planning. They said, oh you should have gone to outpatients, we told them we had.

We left it up to them to sort it out. Normally I work hour to hour. Today it was minute to minute. I can't say i was worried. I knew it wouldn't hurt. Why the too much talking from me? I know I'm doing it. It's a coping mechanism. It's just a CT scan FFS.

Anyway, I had it done and my tramp stamp. It wasn't scary, it didn't hurt.

Much relief when it was done, a celebratory cuppa.

I realise when I'm stressed or whatever, I talk too much. I do anyway, I'm inappropriate and I talk too much.

I also realise that I've been giving out the incomplete blogspot web address. No one will be able to read the damn thing! Fart, bum & knickers.

 

Thursday 7th March 2024

Up at 0730hrs.

Away at 0900hrs. Here by 0945hrs. My head is still banging and stuffed and I'm still coughing. Eyes feel like piss holes in the snow.

They were very quick. Called me to L5. I had to strip to my waist put on a grotty gown. Jewellery no problem.

Moisturiser is ok as long as it's not freshly applied. I was straight in.

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It took a few minutes to arrange me and line up the dots. The cooking was about 10 minutes. I can have wine tonight 😁🍷

I couldn't move and my nose kept itching.

It didn't take long and I was done, dressed and out.

About 5-6 hours later I could feel my right boob burning. I've put moo goo and aloe Vera on it and all around the area.

 

Friday 8th March 2024

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Day 2 radio'therapy'.
We were there just before 0930. All done and dusted by 10am! Shopped in Morrisons and home by 11am.
No effects as yet.
I asked about the shape of the radio waves and it appears they go at angles. The area covered seems to be the upper front right side. 

Monday 11th March 2024

Back to Velindre for round 3.
We were there before 0930 hrs. Before the radio'therapy' the one young girl said here's some information on Letrozole. I'm like nooooo! Dr Tilsley agreed I didn't need it. No way do I want that toxic muck. She said well I'll leave it anyway and you can talk about it at your review. She didn't know if it was face to face or on phone. The cooking was quick.
Then they said go back to the waiting area and they'd do the review then. Saw Helen & Helen. They asked how my treatment was going. I said that so far it was too good to be true. No side effects,nothing, long may that continue. She broached the vexed subject of Letrozole. I said that Dr Tilsley had agreed with me that it wasn't necessary. Minimal benefit (maximum damage)
I talked too much again even though I didn't feel nervous. Like Steve said, it's your time to talk, it's happening to you. They gave me some cream, only because I said I was using moisturizer I think. They confirmed that from their point of view I could have a massage. I've already cleared with a BC nurse.
Apparently I get seen again at some stage by the surgeon? First I've heard of it.
We were all done and out of there by 10am. 

Tuesday 12th March 2024

I checked the time yesterday at it was 0945 not 0930.
Correct she said. WE rock up early for the 0945 and she says oh, 0930hrs. Despite me checking.
It didn't take long anyway. Told them about the tender booby, it's because of the radiotherapy.
Still got sparkly pixilated vision and bit of a headache. I don't feel tense or stressed though. It's not to do with radio'therapy' as I've had it before that started too. Had a doze, water, paracetamol. Still there. 
 

Wednesday 13th March 2024

So today was my last radio'therapy'.
We were almost late due to traffic by HQ. I had another bit of paper & more phone numbers. Neville Hall to see the BCN at sometime. When? Why? I'll ring tomorrow.
The cooking was quick.
Came out and that was that.

10000118021000011802 10000118061000011806
I didn't ring the bell, I haven't earned that. These poor women who have got over it then 2 years or sooner or later get it again, somewhere else. That's the scary bit. Such a gamble.


I fancied a coffee & cake, just to add to the full stop of it. It didn't happen.


We called in Dinky Doo (free no waste stall in the village) got a shed load of pastries. Pigged out here at home. Not as good, I wanted to mark it somehow but it'll do. Bit late now anyway.


I guess there's no point in writing in this journal now.
It's sorta done, sorta dusted but it'll never go away. I'm cancer free but not free of cancer.
🤷‍♀️ Hey ho. 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Comments

Kevin(non-registered)
Just found your most recent post Wendy.
I love the way you look at things and, although you don’t want to - who would ?- you are ploughing ahead with treatment and your hopes are high.
Please keep blogging, it helps a lot.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Kevin Lanigan(non-registered)
Try and stay strong Wendy. You can beat this.
Let yourself be scared of it all, you have loads of friends to help you if you want
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